RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
