Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
