Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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