Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
