I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
