I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And then he peed in my hair
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