How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
