You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
