I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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