You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want nice things and good sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
