she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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