I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
