was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
