my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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