i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
