Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize