There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize