he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
