You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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