Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want her autograph on my taint
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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