a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My feet surprised me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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