bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's just like the Real World with babies
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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