You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
