Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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