Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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