she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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