textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
