I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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