drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
