too bad you live with your parents still
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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