you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
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