i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
