I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
