You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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