Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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