There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
