yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize