I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
