My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
