**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we're making bets on your personal life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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