I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
