Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
