i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My balls are so social today.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize