On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
