He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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