I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
