Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
