I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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