I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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