He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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