Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
