What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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