You're my little dorito
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize