She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
