Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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