then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
