I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
