sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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