you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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