So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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