I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
