i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
