And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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