So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
