i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
