Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
