If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
