we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
