Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
