My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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