Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
