Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cannot find my penis.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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