The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
