i barfeds in our rink
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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