dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
