my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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