Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
