What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
