1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
