Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
