Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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