Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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