Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
