i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He did a backflip because drugs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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