whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
tell me about the eggs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
