Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
