why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
