I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
