We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
