So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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