You smell like a Billy Joel song
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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