You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
