the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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