I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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