i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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