I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
