If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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