I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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